1. Entitlement
Entitlement is basically an inner-held perception where a person believes that they deserve special treatment or privileges just because of who they are or what they have.
It can manifest itself in a number of ways. Entitled people may:
- Expect people to always be available
- Feel like they are owed certain things (money, priority, special treatment, etc.)
- Be unwilling to make compromises or change problematic behaviors
- Make unreasonable demands that don’t take your feelings (or even rationality) into account
In my opinion, an entitled mindset is one of the biggest red flags to look for in a dating partner.
These women can be very charming and attractive at first glance, and this mindset can even come off as ‘cute’ in the short term. But in a long-term relationship, it’s incredibly destructive.
2. Indecisiveness
We all tend to deal with at least a small level of indecisiveness in our own lives. But at major levels, where people actually get crippled by their inability to make decisions and move forward in life, this can be very destructive.
Here are the major aspects of this red flag to watch out for:
- She doesn’t know what she wants in life
- She can’t make decisions about her life trajectory, which leads to analysis paralysis and doing nothing at all
- She can’t decide which dating partners she likes, so she never commits to one and/or keeps men from her past around
- She’s too afraid of walking away from things to choose to commit to important new things, which leaves her stuck in her current life state
On a minor level, indecisiveness is a pretty normal human issue. But at debilitating levels, this behavior can be problematic and difficult to unravel—and it’s better not to get too involved with people who get paralyzed by it.
3. Emotional Unhealthiness
There are a number of unhealthy emotional states to watch out for in your dating partners.
Some of these include:
- Excessive and/or consistent negative thinking patterns
- Suppressing emotions
- Addictive behaviors (including social media addiction)
- Extreme jealousy
- Overly competitive
- Unresolved trauma
We all deal with some levels of these things in life. But you also want to make sure that the people you’re dating aren’t exhibiting debilitating or uncontrollable levels of emotional unhealthiness.
4. A Lack of Intentionality
Intentional living is crucial not just for every individual, but also for partners who want to move forward in life together as a family unit.
And dating someone who displays a lack of intentionality in life is going to be problematic for this process.
Be on the lookout for the indicators of this red flag behavior. Women who lack intentionality will:
- Neglect general life goal-setting
- Fail to make detailed plans
- Not have a set, specific purpose in their life
- Not be able to articulate exactly what they want to do, be, have, or accomplish
- Be more likely to drift chaotically through life than to make structured plans and execute them
It’s always best for men not to get too involved with these types of women.
5. A Victim Mentality
A victim mentality is a way of thinking and seeing the world where the person sees their life as a place where they’re powerless to change their circumstances, where everyone is ‘out to get them,’ where their life is uncharacteristically unfair, and/or where they basically can’t or don’t expect for their actions to be able to positively impact their future outcomes.
People with a victim mentality will:
- Complain a lot
- Cry about how life is unfair
- Maintain a pessimistic, cynical, and/or negative perspective of life and the world
- See themselves as powerless to fix their problems
- Blame their problems, challenges, and suffering on anyone other than themselves (other people, their boss, the government, their past, their parents, society as a whole, etc.)
- Be less motivated to take action or stick with plans because they’re less likely to believe that their actions can fix anything
This kind of person is also highly likely to only say negative things about all of their exes instead of taking responsibility for their part in their own failed relationships.
The victim mindset is literally a poisonous mindset for people who want to better themselves and succeed under their own power. Thus, it’s never in your best interest to date someone who’s trapped in a perpetual victim mentality in life.
6. Laziness
Lazy people are going to be much less likely to want to work together with you to move toward a state of greater success in the future—and this is obviously problematic.
Here are some signs that may point toward the fact that the woman you’re dating is actually lazy:
- She does a lot of procrastinating
- She’s disorganized
- She’s unmotivated to take action or accomplish things
- She’s unreliable and seems scattered
- She doesn’t seem interested at all in taking action for personal growth
- She’s all too willing to let someone else do the hard work so that she can relax
These types of women are sometimes fun to date in the short term, because they’ll be more likely to want to put their work, chores, and responsibilities aside to go on adventures with you.
But in a long-term partner, laziness will spell disaster for your future life and relationship together.
7. Chaos and Drama
Chaos and drama slow down progress, cause needless problems, hinder plans and goals, and get in the way of success.
They can also be costly to your life in a myriad of other ways. Thus, it’s going to be crucial that you stay away from dating partners who are constantly embroiled in chaos and drama in their own lives.
So avoid becoming entangled with dating partners who:
- Entertain negative friends
- Always seem to be in the middle of drama and fights
- Are always talking about their problems instead of actively finding solutions
- Often show up late or cancel plans due to some kind of drama
- Try to control people or circumstances around them via dramatic manipulation or other unhealthy social impulses
By contrast, dating a woman who has a drama-free life, who helps to create order around her, is like a breath of fresh air and will help you as a man to make your life even more structured, orderly, and successful.
8. Dishonesty
Dishonesty is a destructive behavioral trait that erodes trust, creates misunderstandings, and ultimately undermines the foundation of a healthy relationship.
When considering a potential dating partner, avoid women who:
- Habitually lie or deceive others, even in seemingly insignificant ways (it’s the behavior that counts, not necessarily the scope of the deceit)
- Display a lack of transparency or refuse to communicate openly about their thoughts, feelings, or past experiences
- Engage in secretive behaviors, such as hiding their phone, evading questions, or acting suspiciously
- Manipulate the truth to serve their own interests, disregarding the impact it may have on other people (especially in their intimate relationship)
- Break promises or consistently fail to follow through on commitments
The truth is that trust is an essential building block for long-term relational success.
Choosing a partner who values honesty will empower the two of you to foster an environment of trust, openness, and authenticity together.
9. Irresponsibility
The problem with irresponsible people is that they can’t be trusted with the important stuff that needs to be taken seriously in order for life to move forward (and for the relationship to succeed).
Here are some signs to look for that may indicate that the woman you’re dating is an irresponsible person:
- Often late or canceling plans
- Always making excuses for why important things don’t get done
- Not good at follow-through
- Not good at self-care or caring for her house, pets, kids, etc.
- Bad time management
- Poor with money
- A history of bad decisions that could have been avoided by critical thought and responsible action
It’s always better to avoid dating irresponsible people—because in time, their irresponsible behavior will spill over into your life and affect you as well.
10. Infidelity
Cheating should be considered an absolute deal-breaker in any relationship. And as a man, you should have a zero-tolerance policy for women who exhibit regular ‘cheating’ behaviors in their relationships.
Note that there’s a difference between a woman who ‘cheated once’ back in the past as a bad choice, and women who exhibit regular patterns of cheating throughout their life and relationships.
If a woman seems to have learned her lesson and is now a loyal person—that’s good. If she still seems to be at a place in life where her attitude toward cheating is that it’s always a viable option for her—then you should probably avoid that situation and consider it a deal-breaker.
11. Life Stagnation
As a man, you likely know that you must continue to grow and develop yourself if you want to be more attractive, increase your dating marketplace value, and succeed at all of the vital metrics that matter in life.
And as a man who is committed to self-improvement, you should be looking for a partner who shares these same values.
Note that your partner doesn’t always need to be 100% the same as you in these respects. You may be a marathon runner and heavy weight lifter, while she may be more interested in yoga, meditation, and gentle ‘calisthenics’ at the park to stay in shape.
But that’s OK—because as long as you’re both oriented toward a life of self-improvement and you avoid dating people who are fine with just stagnating and not moving forward to further develop themselves in life—you should be on the right track to avoiding this red flag and setting yourself up for better dating success.
In other words, you want to avoid getting wrapped up in women who don’t level up their mind, soul, and body on a regular basis.
12. Toxic Communication Habits or Violent Tendencies
Communication is key to making any quality relationship work.
Without it, you’re going to struggle to make any headway in your emotional relationship, intimate life, and basic forward-life momentum.
You could also put yourself in danger of building a home and a life with someone who isn’t equipped and committed to communicating with you in a positive, productive, and respectful manner.
Here are some toxic communication red flags to watch out for:
- Passive aggression
- An inability to be straightforward and to honestly speak her mind
- Negative or demeaning criticism
- Contempt (eye rolling, name-calling, mocking, etc.)
- Defensiveness
- Stonewalling
- Gaslighting
- Saying hurtful things
- Not understanding that words have power and that they should be controlled by the person speaking them
- Any signs of physical violence
Everyone sometimes makes mistakes. But these toxic communication habits won’t usually crop up unless the person has some deeply held communication/trust/behavior issues that haven’t been addressed.
So be very careful if you encounter any of them, and definitely consider them a red flag.